May 5th, 2011
All I want to do is close my eyes, and ponder for a while.
I thought it was impossible to close your eyes and see the world, but in truth, it's the only way to truly see it.
The writing poses a problem though.
You can't write with your eyes closed.
You can only think.
I wish I could remember everything I thought and write it down word by word only AFTER having my moment of serenity within my closed eyes.
But the world made it so that nothing can be simple, and not everything can be.
I wish I could be taken away right now, by some sort of magical substance that could make me forget.
Alcohol and drugs are too real, I need something that's untouchable, intangible, unthinkable.
I don't even know how to feel, I'm like the titanic and I'm slowly sinking and I can't stop from being submerged by my own thoughts.
The thoughts that scare me and that scare you.
But all I can do is think, and all I can think about are wishes.
I wish I was swimming out into new seas.
I wish I was a Buddhist, with their ways and wonders.
I wish I was the sky, transparent but tumultuous.
I wish I was you, so I could read you inside out.
I wish
I wish
I wish.
There's too much wishing and not enough reality.
But reality isn't all that great when you come to think about it.
It's an anchor, and I want to fly.
It's hard to get what you want when barriers impose themselves all around and you're suddenly encaged by your proximities.
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